On Resolution

Last year, I didn’t make a New Year’s Resolution at the beginning of the year. But as the year went on, I figured out I had a subconscious one that I had cultivated without even knowing it. The theme of last year was “more.” I wanted to be more and do more in a non-traditional sense. So often (and last year in particular) I get the feeling that I’m not good enough. That no matter how much I do, it’ll never be enough. Someone is always out there doing more and being better. I started hating the idea of doing more and being more, being better, being the best seemed impossible. And that’s the thing, being the best IS near-impossible. Last year, I was blessed to have the opportunity to revamp my concept of “more.” Instead of “more” being a competition amongst myself and others, it’s just between me, myself, and I. Focus on the individual, forget about everyone else and what they are or are not doing, just think about self-improvement in the context of….self. Magically, the negativity evaporates and all that’s left is adventure! In 2014, I am so happy to say that I did more things that I’ve never done before than in any previous year. Or maybe I was just thinking about expanding my talents and experiences consciously and that made all the difference.

Some notable things that happened: heartbreak, healing, some variation of an A in every class for the first time in my college career, becoming a mentor, 2 internships that were letdowns, confusing romance, hiking Mission Peak, getting over self-consciousness and dancing in front of other people, working with refugees for one amazing and unforgettable summer, lit reviews, the wonderful wizarding world of harry potter decal, winning the house cup, reading 80 books, learning to love cooking, attending my first live concert, becoming a morning person, a newfound appreciation for tea (milk tea with lychee jelly, especially), sleeping at a decent time, more faith dialogues, discovery of the joy that comes with a stationary bicycle, singing in a gospel choir, and just experiencing the all-around beauty and generosity of humans.

My 2015 theme, so to speak, is “well.” It’s pretty much the same thing as last year except I want to make more of an effort to live a more intentional life, to live well. I changed a lot in the past year, personality-wise. I’m still not sure how I feel about the “new me” but I guess I’m gonna roll with it and try to be a better human. As always. I want to stop doing things half-heartedly. I want to be more honest about my feelings (this is really really really hard for me). I want to make a life for myself and I don’t know how to do it. I don’t think anyone does.

So, I figured I’d start with some goals/resolutions/ideals for the year. There’s seven. I have no idea if all or any will come to pass by 11:59 on 12/31/15. We shall see.

In no particular order:
1. Project 365/52 portraits.
2. Live more intentionally –> appreciate more and do more.
3. Dress well. Feel well. Act well. Treat others well. BE WELL. In mind, body, and spirit.
4. Make being active a habit. Dance. Hike. Bike. Do yoga.
5. Travel. Even if it’s close-by. Go somewhere. Be something. Capture it.
6. Grow closer to God. And deeper in faith.
7. Read The Lord of the Rings trilogy + The Hobbit. Complete the 2015 Reading Challenge.

Welp, that’s it! As I retyped all that I’m thinking “What have I gotten myself into????” Ah, well, nervousness is a motivating factor, after all. Cheers to the new year!



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